Legal Action Info
Guest Columnist
The Bungs 2002
Lil Mikey - The Suer
A Decade of Shame
The President's Men
Quoth the Cynic
Berding Rebuttal
Can it get worse?!?
Ode to the Bengals
Letter to Jeff Berding

MBS in the News
MBS Boycott Bowl
Message Boards
Email Inbox
Sign Our Petition
Order A T-Shirt
About Us
Contact Us
Mission Statement

The Bengals on ESPN






A Cliff's Notes Guide To The Bengals '02
1/1/03 - by The Coroner

1. Mike Brown - Saving Kitna's 1.6M makes 2-14 palatable

2. Jim Lippincott - It took a bad owner, coach, and personnel director to create 2-14; fire this worthless porker, too!

3. Dick Lebeau - Should've let Duffner have the job back then

4. Al Roberts - Same NFL future as Dave Shula had six years ago 

5. Alan Cutler - Should try suck-up, motivational speech on new ex-coaching staff

6. Duchess Tobin - Keep this fool out of the '03 draft room; steakhouse busboy?

7. Pete Brown - Empty-suit boozer ought to stick to selling exercise machines

8. Artrell Hawkins - Anymore questions about this non-talent?

9. Mark Duffner - '02 was a big lie; even Mikey can't deny the Carolina atrocity

10. Takeo Spikes - Fears these words like a long, painful death: FRANCHISE TAG

11. Carson Palmer and Bryan Leftwich - The sleepless nights are excruciating

12. Jon Kitna - Spends 1.6M prematurely on golf clubs, then tosses two late INTs costing him the bonus

13. Lorenzo Neal and Nick Luchey - OUTTA HERE! Five years until Bungles find a serviceable FB

14. Gus Frerotte & Michael Westbrook Experiment - see #2 & #6 

15. Katie Blackburn - Please be a stay-at-home Mom and a stay-away Brown

16. Troy Blackheart - Can he still find ways to screw paying fans? Try the PBS food.

17. Kim Wood - How about this no-show employee, which explains weak, windless players

18. Bob Bratkowski - Sure to pound a few on the eve of his firing; steakhouse bartender?

19. Dillon & Simmons - Big suckers may never taste a .500 season

20. Johan Cooper - Dreamin' about Walt Harris; 3-1 odds that Cooper becomes head coach

21. Holmgren, Coughlin, and Denny Green - All out of the country during Bungle search

22. Lovie Smith and Marvin Lewis - Would rather see continuing disparity of white/black NFL head coaches than coach the Bungles

23. Dick Jauron - Would rather keep playing in Champaign, IL with worse QB's than Cincy

24. Paul ["Have Patience" - ed] Tagliabue - League cannot allow established franchises to win half as many games as an expansion club

25. Todd Portune - Don't give up the fight, big guy!

26. Bedinghaus - Troy recommending a pay cut for his feeble valet

27. Dowlin & Neyer - Didn't support Portune in order to get into PBS VIP implosion party

28. O'Rourke Co. - Unfortunately accurate on Sunday

29. PBS Concessions - Carbon-dated pretzels, free store-caliber hotdogs & beer priced like a top-shelf double; the $10 club level burger is a relief (see#16)

30. Reinard, C. Hall, Roman, S. Brewer, L. Thompson, et al. - Back to school, Lippy!

Disclaimer - The opinions expressed and implied here are those of the contributing fan columnist and may not be those of Fraidy.  Of course then again they probably are.

Click Here!